


A Love Spell for the Necromantic Soul

by Corvidae_Crow



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alcohol, Angus McDonald is too nosy, Modern Fantasy AU, Multi, Taako uses magic to solve all his problems, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-03-29 23:40:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13937913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Corvidae_Crow/pseuds/Corvidae_Crow
Summary: Taako performs a spell to find his true love for shits and giggles one drunken night. He's tired of seeing all his friends be lovey dovey in love and figures he can force fate to work for his own favor. However the spellbook he stole from the "lover" Barry J. Bluejeans turns out to be full of necromancy spells instead of love spells and he ends up summoning the Grim Reaper who's actually kinda hot? So, not too bad of a situation right? However, they quickly find out that Kravitz is stuck on Faerun with no way to return to the Astral Plane. Oops?





	1. In the Beginning There Were Tentacles

Taako never half assed anything. Except for the times when he did, which was quite a bit, but those times don’t really count. Times like that were not serious enough to require Taako’s utmost attention. Love, or whatever, was one of those things. It’s always a fling or a flirt, but nothing that really mattered. After all, he had Lup, why would he need anyone else?

 

However, even he has to admit he had more than Lup to count on these days. He had a ragtag, stitched together family that wormed their way into his life. On his softest and rarest days he might admit they were his friends, in a roundabout, insulting way of course. He still had a reputation to uphold after all. There’s no way he could let Feelings™ besmirch his good name.

 

His so-called family was full of traitors though. They all decided to “settle down” and be sickeningly domestic. Ugh. Getting married and buying a house. In this economy? They were all insane. No thanks, Taako was good in Singles Land party of numero uno. At least Lucretia was stuck- no, not stuck, but happily enjoying Singles Land. Taako wasn’t alone in being alone. At least that’s what he had thought before he found out.

 

Lucretia had committed the biggest betrayal of all time. Not only was she dating Maureen, no, the two of them were _engaged_! Talk about not being in the knowing loop. The two of them had been dating for a whole fucking year before letting anyone know about it. Who dates someone for an _entire year_ and doesn’t tell their practical family. Traitors, that’s who.

 

So, here was Taako, definitely not sulking, drinking cheap wine, and going through Barry’s (and by extension Lup’s and by _further_ extension, Taako’s) stuff. Really, it was all their fault for going on a weekend getaway without him. Not that he wanted to be a third wheel on their mushy mushy dating time, but still. They hadn’t even offered. So, he had dibs on all their shit. Thems were the breaks.

 

Anyway, Barry sure had a lot of trashy romance novels. How many times could you read about two idiots falling in love and not get tired of it? There were some questionable titles in here too. _Justin’s Bare Bear Experiences_? _Magic Brian’s Magic Eight Hands_? Then there was a tattered book with a title so worn down Taako couldn’t even begin to guess what it said. It looked like it once was an ornately decorated book with dark feathered lining and skull motifs. Not really Taako’s thing per se, but even further from Barry’s “thing” if Barry even had a thing besides crisp denim jeans.

 

Taako cracked the book open half expecting it to turn to dust in his hands, but it held together just fine. The inside was far more legible than its outside, but that wasn’t a hard goal to accomplish so there were some passages still snuffed out from time. However, even just from a cursory glance he could tell this wasn’t another raunchy book. It was full of spells and magic circles. Doth Taako’s eyes deceive him? Was this a spellbook full of love spells? Interesting. Interesting enough to justify trying out a spell or two, just for kicks.

 

Taako tucked the book under his arm, downed the rest of his glass, filled back up to the brim again and went down to the living room to get down to business. On the way he fell down, completely on purpose, onto the love seat and since he was a flip wizard, managed to not spill a single drop of wine.

 

Now, the question was which spell to try. He didn’t have many spell slots left after an indulgent Taako Day of Chill. He went all out on his self care routine today, because god dammit he deserved it. Nobody treated Taako better than Taako. He was all into the Treat Yourself philosophy of life.

 

Taako promptly decided that the first couple of pages, no really the first half of the spellbook, were beginner pages and Taako wasn’t a basic bitch. He flipped to the last couple of pages of the book. The end of a spellbook was always filled with the most advanced spells and Taako was into that. Into the challenge. This particular last page was full of fancy symbols so that meant this was the spell. This must have been the crème de la crème of spells.

 

He glanced over the list of required spell components. Pink tourmaline he could understand, pink, love, they probably went together. That’s what Fantasy Valentine’s Day taught, right? Raven feathers though? He was expecting something more along the lines of, like, rose petals or some other romantic shit. Fighting societal expectations for romantic gestures and symbols? Hell yeah. This was the spell for sure.

 

Taako didn’t have handmade pink tourmaline, so store bought would have to do in a pinch. He arranged the crystals in a pretty neat circle considering his state of inebriation. Now he just needed to place a raven’s feather in the center. Lup might still have her old horrible feather necklace from her 8th grade goth phase somewhere in her drawers. They never threw away perfectly good items even if they were god awful and an embarrassment to society. The exception to that frugalness was any gifts from Merle. Those were to be immediately destroyed upon sight for the greater good of mankind. Some things shouldn’t exist in this world.

 

Taako flipped his lengthy braid over his shoulder and set about the hunt for the offending piece of jewelry. All in all, it turned into a surprisingly short hunt as he found the necklace laying on top a pile of tangled jewelry. Taako made sure to make an even bigger mess of Lup’s room so that it looked as if his hunt had lasted hours upon hours. What was a hunt without a messy trail of searching? Not a proper hunt at all.

 

Taako placed the feather in the center of the lopsided circle with the grace of a malfunctioning claw machine. Perfect. Now Taako could properly cast- what was the spell again? Oh. Part of it was smudged and kinda hard to decipher, but he could make out “steal” and “heart” which sounded like a pretty baller spell. It had stealing in it so it had to be good. Taako coughed to clear up his throat and recited the incantation.

 

_“To steal and reap,_

_From Death I bind thee,_

_With long, ebony tentacles,_

_I take thy heart and soul,_

_To claim as my own forevermore._

 

“Damn that’s some kinky shit.”

 

No sooner had those words passed Taako’s lips that a dense fog began to fill the room, pouring in from the crystal circle. The candles Taako had lit for mood lighting burned intensely brighter before being snuffed out by an unseen force. The room was cast in darkness for only a moment before the tourmaline began to glow.

 

A smoky black spectre rapidly formed inside the magic circle shifting and swirling into a cloaked figure. Smoke billowed outward from the hood before a handsome face formed in its shadow, red eyes casting about the room with a glare. The “smokin” otherworldly man brought himself to his full height as his eyes landed on Taako. He lifted his arm to point a long scythe with smoke falling from it to Taako’s throat.

 

“Who-” He began in an embarrassingly ridiculous cockney accent before suddenly being assaulted by inky black tentacles that wrapped around his entire body.

 

He let out an undignified squawk of protest while he furiously struggled against his slithering bindings. By now the atmospheric fog had dissipated, but the crystals still retained their luminescence, casting a bright neon pink glow on the writhing mass of black tentacles and man.

 

“What- Hey now- Stop thi-this- THIS! Right now! Or else I’ll-” Taako took a long sip while he eyed the flustered and beaten man before him. This sure was somebody’s something. Hoo boy.

 

The man continued to struggle while half spitting out threats and curses. The tentacles had a sure grip on his limbs though so he gained no ground on escaping. Taako watched his predicament with drunken amusement and felt absolutely no inclination to lift a finger to help. Not that he could now that he was officially out of spell slots.

 

“Hey thug, what’s your name?” Who did he need to credit this mentally saved tent porn to for later on? Wait, did he say that last part aloud? Fuck, oh well.

 

The tentacle porn man grunted and ignored Taako in favor of instead focusing on his escape from this unfortunate tangle of a dilemma. The tentacles had left him hopping on one foot, his other leg bound and held aloft. The two were having a power struggle over the scythe, the tentacles trying to wrest it from his grip. The weapon was slowly being slid from his one handed grip. He grit his teeth and with every ounce of effort he pulled his other hand to the handle of his scythe, the tentacles not able to restrain him completely.

 

With both hands now firmly holding on, he pushed the bladed edge downwards slicing apart slimy tentacles that popped out of existence with a smoky exit. The execution of the ebony tentacles grew easier with each limb deleted, lessening its resistance to the blade. By this point the handsome man’s cheeks were flushed, hair astray, and he was panting with great effort. He wearily turned back towards Taako, the sight of the elf setting of a new spark of anger that gave him newfound energy.

 

“Now then,” He smoothed out the front of his thoroughly ruined suit and cloak combo, “We have a problem here, don’t we?”

 

“A tent pants problem or a strange handsome dude that- who’s all hot and, uh, heavy in my living room? Cause, that sounds like an- not a problem. A no problem, uh, no brainer, that’s what we have here, my man.” Taako tried for a seductive flutter of his eyes, but all he managed was rapid blinking. Maybe there was a Morse code message hidden in the blinks, but in all likeliness probably not.

 

“Also, uh, tentacle man? I believe I- I believe that I asked you first. A question. Politeness and all that, you can’t go- you can’t ask a question without answering mine.”

 

“Oh, forgive me, was I not polite while I was being wrapped up in your _sex tentacles_?!” He had an incredulous look on his face as if Taako was out of his goddamn mind. Weird.

 

“Well yeah, my man, let’s keep up here, this isn’t amateur hour over here. What’s your name?” Taako was currently twirling a lock of hair around his index finger. A fantastic flirting move considering the minimal effort it required. There was no way he was getting up off this sofa, not even for a handsome face.

 

“Kravitz?”

 

“Is that a- Don’t ask me, it’s your name.”

 

“It’s Kravitz.” A pause. “I’m the Grim Reaper.”

 

“The only grim thing here is your outfit, not gonna lie. It’s seen better days, uh, nights in this case I guess. The name’s Taako, by the way, the pleasure is all yours, I know. Always happy to meet a fan.” He pointed his hair entangled finer at Kravitz. “Now I got a thought, uh, a question. Why are you in my living room? Ponder me that, fella. I mean, I know the spell and all that, what I really mean is how- why did you show up from my love spell?”

 

“Excuse me, Taako? Taako. I think I misheard you there for a moment. I thought you said love spell?”

 

“I did, darling.”

 

“Did what?”

 

“Say that. I cast a love spell and you showed up with your, uh, questionable fetish, but who am I to speak? Look I got it from this nerd ass love spellbook from my brother in law. Ugh, he’s such a sap. Not like he was pining after my sister for years and I had to suffer listening to the two go on and on and on and on-” Kravitz held up a hand motioning him to stop. He didn’t. “-and on and on and on-”

 

“I think I get it. Taako. Focus. What book?”

 

“No. You don’t got it till- you didn’t live with that for all these long- terrible- agonizing- years. It’s torture and it should be illegal.” Taako plucked the spellbook off the side table next to him and tossed it to Kravitz, or as well as he could to him which turned out to be a couple inches from Kravtiz’s feet.

 

“Knock yourself out, Love Doctor.”

 

Kravitz closed his eyes to center himself before reaching down and picking up the book. He flipped through the pages with a scrutinizing gaze, quickly scanning the contents before deeply sighing and dragging his hand down his face in exasperation.

 

“This is a necromancy book. How on Faerun did you think this was a _love spell_? There’s skulls and ravens on it!”

 

“I thought it was, y’know, gothic chic.”

 

“What?”

 

“Gothic chic.” Kravitz just stared at Taako. “Goth people need love advice too, you know, uh, a whole lot more than me, of course. Which is none. I need none- no advice.”

 

Taako waved his hand to shoo away the tangent.

 

“Besides, it was with Barry’s pile of trashy romance books. You know the ones with, uh, shirtless Fantasy Fabio on the cover with his 8-pack hanging out?”

 

“Yes, I know the ones.”

 

“Of course it’s a love spell, what do you take me for? Taako isn’t no fool.”

 

“Pardon, but why would a necromancy book be with a bunch of romance novels?”

 

“Are you kinkshaming my brother? My Barold?”

 

“No- no? I didn’t mean-” Kravitz seemed to catch himself. “We’re getting off base here. Look, obviously you didn’t know what you were doing since you’re, well,” Kravitz gestured to all of Taako and continued, “So I’m willing to let you off with a-”

 

“Wait, since I’m what? Gorgeous? Talented beyond belief? Taako from TV? Flattery will get you _everywhere,_ my man.”

 

“What? No. You’re drunk. You summoned a reaper and you’re drunk!”

 

“You don’t- I’m not- Look here bubbelah, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Tell me that you’ve never seen a drunk person do _this_.” Taako punctuated his statement by proceeding to do a backspring off the loveseat throwing his arms high in the air. That’s what he would’ve done if he were more sober. Instead, he rolled over backwards on the sofa and landed with his head at Kravitz’s feet and his legs dangling above him before falling back to the ground in a big elf mess. There were a couple moments of silence before Taako erupted into a fit of giggles.

 

“You should- you should see the look on your face right now. That is hysterical, holy shit.”

 

“You’re right I’ve never seen a drunk person fall over themselves and make a fool of themselves.” Kravitz stepped back allowing Taako’s head to fall the rest of the way to the floor, landing with a dull thud on the carpet, causing him to laugh even harder.

 

“Look, I don’t have a lot of time to deal with whatever _this_ is. So I’m just gonna leave you with a warning, right, and I’ll be on my way. Oh, I’ll also be confiscating this.” He tucked the necromancy book into his suit jacket. “That’s all settled, good bye now.”

 

Kravitz took his scythe and swiped it in the air and stepped forward. He stood there for a moment before looking around the room in confusion. This wasn’t right. He sliced the air a couple more times for good measure. Every attempt resulting in the same outcome: some asshole swinging around a big scythe for no apparent reason.

 

“Oh no. No, no, no. This isn’t right. Hey, you, Taako, what did you-” Kravitz turned around and glanced down to find Taako snoring soundly on the floor. Lost to the world in the land of his subconscious.

 

“Fuck.”


	2. Breakfast to Go? No? Okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this written up for more than a week, I've just been putting off typing it for whatever reason. Here it is though!

Taako woke up as reluctantly as one with a hangover would. He got migraines on the regular so this was just another day in the office really. Any and all plans, engagements, or promises could fuck right off to tomorrow. Taako wasn’t having any of it.

 

He rolled over to a less drooled on side of his pillow and immediately locked eyes with the handsome, yet frazzled, man from last night. He looked dead on his feet, which, yeah. Duh. His dreads that were in a precarious bun last night were now pooling down over his shoulders. His cloak and suit ensemble  had achieved a state of rumpled that set records. So last night wasn’t an alcohol induced dream.

 

Taako’s stomach flipped with both nausea and nerves. Was he mad about the whole tentacle thing and had waited until he was awake enough to kill him? Or worse?

 

Ouch, not a line of thought to go down right now. Not that he could with his head spinning from his hangover. This was a no thinking zone, but Taako desperately needed to be in a thinking zone to get himself outta this.  Or maybe he could just Magic Missile the problem away once he got his hands on his wand.

 

The reaper had the decency, or audacity, to look sheepish at having been caught staring for fuck knows how long. He coughed and averted his gaze.

 

“Take a picture kemosabe, it’ll last longer.” Now Taako was just annoyed. This whole situation was stupid. He burrowed further into his blanket burrito.

 

“I wasn’t watching you to be creepy. I was concerned after you passed out drunk on your living room floor. I didn’t think it’d be very courteous of me to leave you unsupervised on the off chance that something happened.” He said with a little indignation.

 

“Concerned?” Taako narrowed his eyes.

 

“Yes. Concerned.” Kravitz stood up from Taako’s fuzzy pink recliner. “I can wait out in the hallway if that would make you more comfortable, but we really-”

 

“Wait. Back up.” Kravitz pursed his lips and shut up. “You were _concerned_ about me- about the guy who tentacled your dick?”

 

Kravitz opened his mouth to say something, but closed his mouth again, eyebrows knit together in thought.

 

“Yes? No one else was here. I couldn’t just leave you there alone.”

 

Taako studied his face. He looked sincere, but he could have rolled high on his deception check. He couldn’t trust it. Where was a Zone of Truth when you actually needed one? He totally had an ulterior motive. No one would ever be that concerned for a complete stranger, let alone one that wrapped them up in sex tentacles. He needed to figure out his angle.

 

“So you, uh, brought me to my room and watched me sleep?”

 

“Well, when you put it that way without any context it does sound bad.”

 

“Why didn’t you just, I don’t know, _leave_? Go home? To your, uh, what? Your haunt? A graveyard? The local Fantasy Denny’s parking lot?”

 

“You think because I’m dead I live in a cemetery? And how is a Fantasy Denny’s parking lot on the same level as a cemetery?”

 

“I would say ‘live’, since, well, you’re dead as hell, but something along those lines sure.”

 

Kravitz sighed.

 

“I _reside_ in the Astral Plane. Why didn’t I just ‘go home’ you ask? Funny, I was hoping you could answer that. I’m still trying to figure that one out myself, but this wasn’t any help.” Kravitz punctuated ‘this’ by dropping the Not-A-Lovespell-Spellbook on Taako’s vanity. He looked down at Taako, or the parts of Taako he could see which consisted of eyes and ears poking out from the blanket, searching for answers.

 

“What do you mean? Why- What would I know?” What did he have to do with the reaper not going home? All he did was accidentally summon him.

 

“My spells, my abilities, worked just fine until you summoned me. I can’t return the the Astral Plane. I can’t shift forms. I can’t even unsummon my scythe. I can’t, Taako, I can’t do anything.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah. Oh.”

 

“Are you sure that’s on me?”

 

“I don’t see anyone else summoning reapers while drunk. Do you?”

 

“Fuck.”

 

“My sentiments exactly.”

 

Taako had a nagging suspicion that Kravitz was being patronizing.

 

“So, I was hoping we could sit down. Chat. Figure this mess out and I could be on my way and you could continue on with your life without anymore more necromancy.” The sarcasm in Kravitz’s voice was highlighted by the bags under his eyes. Taako sighed.

 

“Sure. Whatever. Let’s do this.” He shifted around and sat up, still clutching to his blanket. “But, uh, first things first. Shower. Breakfast. Talk. In that order only.”

 

Kravitz seemed ready to argue, but instead he smoothed out his suit. A fruitless endeavor.

 

“Of course. Do you need help getting up?” Kravitz held out his hand for Taako to grab.

 

“Nope I’m good, handsome, but you could use a shower yourself. No offense, but you’re a mess.”

 

“None taken.” Kravitz said after he looked down to examine his state of rumpled and slightly stained.

 

* * *

 

Taako set down a plate of scrambled eggs, sausage, and a small assortment of fruit in front of Kravitz before sitting across from him with a similarly stacked plate. His hair had been wrapped up in a towel to dry and he wore pastel unicorn, no, binicorn pyjamas. Kravitz was wearing a set of puppy covered pyjamas. It was entirely too large to fit him properly, but his other option had been bluejean pyjamas. He politely, but adamantly, refused. Those shouldn’t even be a thing he thought. Who would wear those?

 

“It’s pretty basic, but that’s where Taako’s at this morning.” Kravitz watched Taako  shrug, before shoving a forkful of eggs in his mouth mindlessly.

 

He had tried to insist that he was dead and therefore didn’t need to eat, but Taako wasn’t having any of it. He seemed personally offended that Kravitz hadn’t eaten anything the last couple of centuries. He’d mumbled something about fixing this before

cooking up breakfast.

 

Kravitz tentatively took an experimental bite of his own plate of food, before enthusiastically shoveling more into him mouth not taking the time to breath since he didn’t actually need to. ‘Pretty basic’ was an understatement. Kravitz would hate, no, love to see what he deemed ‘good’.

 

“Slow down there tiger. I can make more if you want.” Taako couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. He looked a lot less pale from earlier after having run back to the bathroom a second time while making breakfast, supposedly getting the alcohol out of his system. He didn’t even seem to be suffering from a hangover anymore.

 

“This is sho good.” Kravitz said through a mouth full of food before remembering any sort of manners. “It’s the best meal I’ve had in centuries.”

 

“It’s the only meal you’ve had in centuries, but go on. You’re right.” This was the sort of praise Taako thrived off of. “Wait until I really cook something to, uh, knock your socks off.”

 

Kravitz grabbed the mug by his plate and took a huge sip before spitting it out.

 

“This is disgusting.” Taako laughed at the face of disgust on Kravitz.

 

“That’s coffee for you, my man.”

 

“Why would anyone consent to drinking this? It’s terrible.” He wiped at his mouth with a napkin, glaring at the offending mug.

 

“It’s a daily does of veggies. Veggie beans.” Taako pointedly downed the rest of his coffee from his ‘Kiss the Cook’ mug. “You looked like a guy who liked his coffee black, my bad. I’ve got some creamer hold on.”

 

Taako pushed his seat out and got up to retrieve the creamer when Kravitz nodded yes, he would like to change the ratio of bean water to a lot less bean water and a lot more cream. He muttered a quiet thanks when Taako returned and handed the pitcher over. Kravitz then proceeded to generously pour the creamer in and continued past generous into ridiculous territory. Taako lifted an eyebrow.

 

“I don’t think that counts as coffee anymore, homie.”

 

“That’s the point.” Kravitz finally set the creamer aside, still eyeing the cup with a high level of distrust. He gingerly lifted it to his lips and took an experimental sip. He immediately scrunched up his face in a look of utter betrayal, causing Taako to break down in laughter.

 

“I can still taste the coffee!” He pushed the offending mug away, as if distance would remove the disgusting aftertaste.

 

“For a dead guy you’re pretty picky.” Taako didn’t have the decency to hold back his laughter. It was as if a reaper vehemently hating coffee was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.

 

“It’s completely terrible, Taako. I’m sorry, you made such a wonderful meal, but this- This is horrible.” Taako had already gotten up and opened the fridge, still hiccuping with laughter. He pulled out a jug of orange liquid titled ‘Sunny D’ and poured it into another mug with a picture of a tractor captioned ‘She thinks my tractor’s sexy’ on it. He set it in front of Kravitz and gestured for him to try.

 

“Here, this is probably more your speed.” Taako slid back into his seat while he watched Kravitz with expectant eyes. Kravitz returned the look with an uneasy glance before bravely lifting up the sexy tractor mug. Surely this wasn’t worse than coffee. Right?

 

Kravitz sucked in a breath he didn’t need before taking a drink of the citrus flavored liquid. His shoulders slumped in relief. Thank the gods. This wasn’t liquid torture people convinced themselves to drink every morning.

 

“Thank you.” He nodded to Taako.

 

“No problem, my man.” Taako went back to finishing his meal, satisfied at having messed with the reaper’s taste buds.

 

Kravitz cleared his throat.

 

“Now, if it’s alright with you I’d like to start figuring this out.”

 

“Sure, lay it on me.”

 

“Now, while you were, ah, indisposed I took the time to examine the spell you used. There wasn’t any mention of the spell having this kind of side effect so something must have gone wrong with the casting of it. All of the spell components were there and the set up looked stable. My only guess right now is that the incantation was off.”

 

“Hey now, I may have been drunk, but I nailed that incan-whatever. I’m- not to brag or anything, but that’s sorta my thing? Incantations are a Taako speciality.” He didn’t look like he minded bragging one bit. “Listen, it probably just needs dispelled or whatever. Just a press of the ol’ undo button. No biggie.”

 

“I’m willing to try anything.” Kravitz said despite how unconvinced he felt.

 

“Anything?” Taako wiggled his eyebrows suggestively causing Kravitz to roll his eyes.

 

“Almost anything.” Taako leaned forward batting his eyelashes causing Kravitz to instinctively lean backwards.

 

“How about,” Taako licked his lips, “Washing the dishes?”

 

“Sure? That’s fair I suppose. You cooked.” Kravitz said slowly.

 

Taako shot up out of his seat pumping both fists into the air with a whoop of victory. He slapped Kravitz’s back as he skipped out of the room.

 

“I hate dishes, thanks thug!” Taako held onto the entryway of the kitchen, tossing a look over his shoulder. “Oh, uh, yeah. I’ll get that dispel whatchamacallit ready in the living room.”

 

With that Taako was out of this dishwashing joint, party of one undead sucker.

 

* * *

 

Taako didn’t understand. Absolutely nothing, and he meant _nothing_ , was working. He’d tried everything to undo the spell ranging from standard dispels, a few ritualistic curse removal remedies, an old celestial inspired cleansing, and even a Gnomish take-backsies chant. Nothing! Zilch!

 

He was ready to throw in the towel when he resorted to ordering greasy pizza for dinner, because he didn’t have the energy to cook even a simple meal. Kravitz, however, seemed determined to continue with sheer willpower and frustration alone.

 

Taako considered calling Lup and Barry for some advice, but then there would be questions. Questions like how and why he summoned a reaper. Lup would see through any bullshit answer he came up with. There was no way on Faerun he could admit to having attempted a love spell. Lup would never let up ribbing him for it. So help from them was a no go.

 

Taako was lounging on the couch, completely spent without a spell slot to his name. Two days in a row of running out of spell slots probably wasn’t good for his health, but since when did he worry about his health?

 

Kravitz was pacing around the room muttering to himself. Just watching him was stressing Taako out so he draped the back of his hand over his eyes. That was marginally better.

 

“Maybe it’s a time thing? Y’know? Just gotta wait and sleep on it.” Taako tossed the idea into the air, but Kravitz didn’t seem to catch it. He was probably ignoring him, which, fair. Taako groaned.

 

“Listen. I get it. You’re stuck here with no way back to the Astral Whatever Place, but you’re tearing a hole in my floor. That’s cedar. Probably.” Kravitz still wasn’t paying him any mind. Taako lifted up his hand to peek at the reaper, rolling his eyes before he sat up.

 

“Kravitz. Faerun to ghost rider. Listen!” Kravitz jumped a little, pausing in the middle of his circuit around the room, eyes wide.

 

“Sorry, you were saying?” He rubbed the back of neck with a low sigh. He took a seat in the recliner while looking up to the ceiling and running a hand through his hair.

 

“Relax, we’ll get it tomorrow after some R&R. Some of those good z’s.” Taako shot off some finger guns as he laid back down.

 

“Are you even taking this seriously?” Kravitz sat up and glared at Taako’s lazing form. “I’m stuck here with no way to contact my queen and you’re treating this like a joke. This is all your fault!”

 

Taako avoided eye contact while picking at his chipped nail polish. The air held a heavy cloud of frustration that threatened to pour down. He needed to defuse the situation, prevent confrontation. That was the last thing he wanted to deal with.

 

“This one’s on Taako. Yeah. Uh. Not my best, I will admit, but, uh, I’m all out of spell slots homie.” He held out his empty palms. “Kaput. And I already used Arcane- I ate my last Luna bar. That’s it from Taako today.”

 

Taako watched Kravitz run a hand down his face before he looked down at the floor.

 

“I know. Sorry. You’re trying. I know, I just-” He looked back up into the elf’s eyes with an exhausted sigh. “It’s been a long day.”

 

“Woof. You and me both buddy. Maybe we both need a nippy nap tonight.” He spied a small twitch at the corner of the Grim Reaper’s mouth. Small success there.

 

“It’s been quite a while since I’ve had a ‘nippy nap’.”

 

“You’ve been missing out! We can at least fix that travesty tonight. You can take Mag- the guest bedroom. Sleep like a teeny tiny baby reaper.”

 

Taako was already up and shooing Kravitz upstairs, excited for the impromptu sleepover. Sure, elves and dead people didn’t _need_ to sleep, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t nice. Plus, it prevented said dead people from wearing holes in the floor from all their anxious pacing. That really sealed the deal on the whole sleeping gig.

 

They would figure out the rest tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have given Kravitz my hatred of coffee. I've tried it so many times, but it still tastes like coffee no matter what I do. Also, Taako's veggie bean line is taken directly from a friend I interrogated. The only question of the interrogation was "Why do you drink coffee" and I wouldn't take "because it tastes good" as an answer.
> 
> I'm excited for the next chapter. I have it mostly written up already, but we'll see.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time writing anything and if there's any critiques or suggestions I'm all ears. However I'm really looking forward to this AU and I'll be adding tags as they come up.
> 
> Also, it's surprisingly hard to write about tentacles without making it sexual. Weird.


End file.
